The Big Five model measures five broad personality dimensions:
Openness: curiosity, imagination, preference for novelty
Conscientiousness: organization, dependability, self-control
Extraversion: sociability, energy, stimulation-seeking
Agreeableness: cooperation, warmth, empathy
Neuroticism—often scored as emotional stability when reversed: tendency toward worry, sensitivity, and emotional fluctuation
What comparisons can tell you
Comparing two people’s scores may highlight areas where they are likely to:
Share preferences and routines
Understand one another easily
Experience complementary strengths
Need to negotiate differences
For example:
Similar Openness may make it easier to agree on travel, hobbies, intellectual interests, or tolerance for change.
Similar Conscientiousness may reduce friction around planning, punctuality, money, and household responsibilities.
Different Extraversion levels may be manageable, but social energy and alone-time needs should be discussed.
Different Agreeableness levels may affect communication style, compromise, and conflict.
Differences in Neuroticism or emotional stability may influence reassurance needs, stress responses, and how conflict escalates.
Similarity is not always better
A common mistake is assuming that the most compatible pair will have nearly identical scores. Research does not support a simple “the closer the scores, the better the relationship” rule.
Compatibility can come from either:
Similarity, where partners share expectations and preferences; or
Complementarity, where differences work well together.
For instance, one person may be highly organized while the other is more spontaneous. That difference could create balance—or become a recurring source of resentment. The scores alone cannot tell you which outcome will occur.
The meaning of a difference depends on:
Whether each person respects the other’s style
Whether practical responsibilities are fairly distributed
How disagreements are handled
Whether the trait difference is mild or extreme
The couple’s shared goals and circumstances
A practical way to compare scores
Use the Big Five as a conversation tool rather than a pass/fail test.
1. Compare broad patterns
Look for substantial differences rather than focusing on tiny numerical gaps. Scores from different tests should not be compared directly unless the tests use the same scale, norms, and scoring method.
2. Translate scores into behavior
Instead of saying:
“You have lower Conscientiousness than I do.”
Ask:
How do you prefer to plan tasks?
How important is punctuality to you?
How should we divide routine responsibilities?
What happens when plans change?
3. Identify likely pressure points
Pay particular attention to differences involving:
Money and planning
Tidiness and domestic labor
Socializing and personal space
Novelty versus routine
Emotional reassurance
Responses to criticism and conflict
4. Look at facet-level traits
Broad Big Five scores can hide important differences. For example, two people may both be high in Extraversion, but one may be socially warm while the other mainly seeks excitement. Two people may both be high in Conscientiousness, but one may be orderly while the other is achievement-focused.
Facet-level results are more useful for understanding everyday compatibility, provided the assessment is reasonably well validated.
5. Combine personality data with relationship evidence
A stronger assessment includes:
Communication patterns
Conflict-repair skills
Shared values
Relationship expectations
Attachment-related tendencies
Emotional regulation
Sexual compatibility
Financial and lifestyle goals
Willingness to negotiate and adapt
These factors often matter more directly than personality similarity by itself.
Important limitations
Big Five scores should not be used to:
Predict with certainty whether a relationship will succeed
Label someone as a “bad match”
Excuse harmful or disrespectful behavior
Replace discussion, observation, or professional assessment
Treat a single questionnaire result as a fixed description of personality
Scores are estimates, and they can vary with the test used, the person’s current circumstances, and how honestly or accurately they answer. Personality traits are relatively stable, but behavior can change substantially through learning, life experience, motivation, and relationship context.
A useful summary is:
Big Five scores can identify possible areas of ease and friction, but compatibility depends more on how people manage those differences than on the differences themselves.
For relationship use, the most responsible approach is to compare profiles, discuss the practical implications, and then examine how the two people actually communicate and resolve problems.
Sources
McCrae, R. R., & Costa, P. T. (1997). “Personality trait structure as a human universal.” American Psychologist, 52(5), 509–516. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.52.5.509
Robins, R. W., Caspi, A., & Moffitt, T. E. (2000). “Two personalities in one self: The duality of structure and context.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 79(6), 1011–1024. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.79.6.1011
Dyrenforth, P. S., Kashy, D. A., Donnellan, M. B., & Lucas, R. E. (2010). “Predicting relationship and life satisfaction from personality in nationally representative samples from three countries.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99(4), 690–702. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0020383
Malouff, J. M., Thorsteinsson, E. B., Schutte, N. S., Bhullar, N., & Rooke, S. E. (2010). “The Five-Factor Model of personality and relationship satisfaction of intimate partners: A meta-analysis.” Journal of Research in Personality, 44(1), 124–127. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jrp.2009.09.004